Okay So I Have This Problem
by freakanatomy
Summary: I have this problem and i don't know how to solve it...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** I do not own South of Nowhere

Okay so I Have no right in starting a new story with two still on the go but this has been going through my head for the past couple of days and I need to get it out so here it is if you want me to carry on tell me otherwise I won't it up to you.

being loosely checked over but if i continue with the story i will get a beta for the story to help me with my grammar and spelling

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**Okay so I have a problem**

Okay so I have a problem. You might think it is not a big problem but it is. It is a freaking huge problem. You want to know what it is. okay I will tell you. I mean it is not as if you can tell anyone I know right. So here I go. The problem is...  
I am in love with my best friend.

You might think that is simple right. You might say that all I have to do is talk to her about it and it will work itself out. Either you will be together or you will not be. However, you see this where my problem gets a whole lot complicated. You see I had this big revelation about my love life while I am in a church, standing in front of the man I am suppose to marry and the person I have just realized I am in love with is three feet to the right of me and is my maid of honour.

As you see, I have a huge friggin problem.

I do not know how this revelation came into place. I woke up this morning just fine, nervous as hell but that normal it is my wedding day after all. She helped me get ready and I read though my vows with her. Everything was fine, until I started to walk down the aisle with my dad.

The doors opened and the whole church stood up and my eyes went straight to her, not my fiancé who was smiling lovingly at me but her. I took the first step and my first memory of us came flooding to my mind. I was five and she was a bit older. I was making a sand castle when she came over and kicked it down I was about to cry when she said, "princesses shouldn't have to make their own castles", she sat down next to me, and made me a bigger sand castle. We played for hours until the nasty troll, her mother; came and took her when her mum called her name out did i find out what her name was.

It was Ashley

The next step I took, took me back to our High school years. God I was so nervous my first day. I kept on getting lost but she found my crying in the bathroom. I hated it there and she told me there was nothing to be frightened of because she was next to me, she would protect me until the end of the earth. And protect me she did, from giving me a fake doctor's note from when I skipped school to hang out with her, to beating up Mick Johnson who tried to have sex with me while I was drunk. She was next to me, always.

The next few memories almost made me want to stop walking. Almost. I remember the first time we kissed. It was truth or dare and I had to kiss someone in the room so I turned to my right and kissed her. The second time we kissed was because she was there and I was beyond drunk. We did not go past second base though. I remember we were known in are high school for making out with each other but we did not mind. We both knew we were straight. She had her boyfriends and I had mine. The last high school party we went to, we went a bit further then we had every gone before. We were both drunk like crazy, and one thing leads to another and we ended up in some jocks bed naked my back full of scratch marks and love bites covering her body. I left before she woke up, of course, I remembered everything but I told her I did not and she said the same to me. So in effect, we forgot all about that night. It never happened again though. We never kissed after that party, but we still hung out a lot. Nothing changed.

Until I met him. I met him my last semester at university. He was everything I needed. He challenged me to be a better person; he was handsome caring and had gorgeous hair. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes straight away. There was no question in my mind he was the one. I remember screaming down the phone to her saying I had just gotten engaged and she just had to be my maid of honour. She said it was stupid for me to ask her because there was no doubt she was would my maid of honour but there was something off about her voice. I still do not what it was but I know it was not happiness.

She went with me to every dress fitting, cake tasting, room-picking meeting I had to go to. She took everything I through at her when I got pissed off and was always they to pick me up when I cried about how nothing was going to be done in time for the wedding

I still had not taken my eyes off her as I walked up the aisle. God she looked beautiful. The dress I picked out for her just made her look more then perfection. My dad kissed me on the cheek and left me at the altar with my fiancé.

There you go; you now know what my problem is. You know I am in front of the man I thought I loved, in front of my family and friends and I have realized I am in love with my best friend, who is standing to the right of me.

So does anybody know what I should do?

"Miss Carlin are we ready to start?"

So have any of you got any ideas because I haven't got a clue

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**A/N **should I continue it up to you...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **thank you so much for the reviews I think it's the most have got from an opening chapter , Okay you enjoy I have a feeling I will by getting angry emails but that does not matter I love those too.

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**Three Words**

_It is a special thing - saying, "I love you" to the people you love. Because you never know when you will lose them, or when they will lose you._

I never did say it. Those three words. I never did pick up enough courage to utter those three words. I wish I had. I wish I turned to her and said, "I love you" it is too late now. He has her. I was this close to saying 'I love you' last night but every time she mentioned the wedding, she had this look in her eyes. Like she was on top of the world. I could not take that feeling away from her. Its like what there say love is an unstoppable force I had to move out the way even if no one knew I was in the way.

I grab a glass and drink it all in one go. The wedding went well it just went. They said their I do's, kissed and walked down the aisle just like every fairytale conclusion. I snatch another glass from a passing waiter my third of the night. A lot can change in such a short amount of time... I mean my heart broke less than 3 hours ago.

I remember the doors to the church opening and she started to walk down the aisle, I stopped breathing. The room stopped existing; it was just her and me alone in the church. She never took her eyes of me. Me! She did not look at her fiancé she looked at me. I thought it was then I saw it. I thought I saw something click. I thought I saw that she finally knew the secret I had been hiding for more than twenty years. I am in love with my best friend.

I am in love with her

I do not think she realized because she carried on walking to the alter and got married instead. She married the 6-foot tall model look like douche bag. Okay I never told her what I really thought of him but maybe I should of. I cannot stand him. Maybe because he gave her something I was always afraid of. My heart. I remember the first and only time we had sex. I told her I did not remember what happen that night but I did. Of course I did. How I could ever forget that night. I remember the feel of her skin, the taste of her lips, her voice when...

"I can't believe I am really married" Spencer's douche of a husband said, shaking me from my memory.

"Me neither douche," I say. He thinks I am joking when I call him a douche. It like our thing, I am mean to him and he is polite to me.

"Thanks for being there for her" he nods over to Spencer direction. Family surrounds her. She is all smiles. However, I cannot help think why her smile is reaching up to her eyes. "She couldn't of being easy and pleasant every day she was planning this"

"She is Spencer when is she every easy and pleasant" I joke "now if you don't mind there is a glass of champagne over the other side off the room calling out my name," and I walk away from him.

I lean against the side of the building. The noise from the reception still lingering in the background as I am take a drag from the cigarette that hanging from my fingertips. It is not a particularly cold night but there is a slight wind picking up. Every inch of me wants to run away I cannot stay here and watch this, this fairytale ending not, when the princess is not in love with me but I cannot do that. It would hurt Spencer. I hear someone coming out of the room and into the balcony area, but I do not look over. I quickly wipe the tear that has escaped.

"What you doing out here?" I know that voice anywhere

"Spence" I whisper and take another drag

"I thought you quit" she is right I did. She asked me to a year ago and I did. I would do anything she tells me to do.

"I did it's just" I shake my head and headed over to the railing of the balcony and lean against it.

"Just..."she says placing a hand on my forearm and my skins burns from the contact. "Just because it's my wedding day doesn't mean I don't know when my best friend needs me" she says wedding day with such, I don't know distress like it was painful for her to say it.

"Why did you hesitate?" When she does not reply I finally look at her "why did you hesitate before you said I do" oh did not I tell you, well when she said I do she hesitated. Not for long. Many people did not even notice the hesitation but I did. She opens and closed her mouth before she actually says something

"I, I don't know what you're on about" she lies to me. She could never lie to save her life.

"Don't lie"

"He not the one" she confess. What do you mean? God women are confusing; she just married him for gods sake he has to be the one!

"Why did you marry him then?"

"I can't have the one I love" wait she loves someone else who I want to know. Maybe she saw after all. In the church, maybe she saw that I love her.

"Who is it?" she just shakes her head and turns to go back into the party "Spencer who is it" I ask again. I cannot look her in the face. I don't want to see her when she says some else's name

"You" and she walk away

She left the balcony I was left alone with only the wind for company.

"I love you"

I said it too late.

_Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways but, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did - but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. _

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**A/N** hope you like please review :)

Quotes from One Tree Hill


	3. Chapter 3

Hope

"You can't leave when you say something like that" I hear her say but I cannot stop walking though the crowded dance floor to get away from her. I cannot believe I told her. I thought I had made the right decision marry Antony He is after all everything I need but he is not everything I want.

"Please stop," she saying she is begging but I don't. She is still follows me. Why can't she just go away? I did not mean for this to happen. I did not mean to tell her. However, I did. It just came out. She was there, the truth just came shooting out of my mouth, and like a stupid person, I told her, I wanted her.

"I will follow you" why can't she just leave me alone

"Go away Ashley" I say weaving in and out of table which now clutter the room. I feel a hand wrap around my wrist and makes me stop walking. However, I do not turn around. The music is still going on loud as ever. Different people are laughing at different joke around the room and no one notices this interaction. No one notices in this moment my heart might just break

"I love you too" I hear from behind me

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**A/N **I know this is short But it is by purpose. i had this all planned out, then whilst writing this chapter everything changed and a new story appeared. i will update again real soon promise:)


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the awesome reviews and story alerts I love you all**

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**Honey I Am Home**

Shit, I am late like really late. My meeting ran over by an hour and now I am late. I grab my bag and IPod off my desk and head out of the building and head towards 102 main street and for people who don't know that's ,the Gardens Hotel.

Ever since my wedding, everything has changed. That is normal right. I mean it suppose to change. You are starting another chapter in your life after all. However, in my case I am starting two new chapters in my life one with him and one

"Hey watch it!" a yellow cab driver shouts as I am nearly run over by his stupid car.

"You watch it! I am walking here!" I shout back slamming my hands on the hood of his car and walk even faster to my destination.

I open the door to the hotel. It is not one of them chain hotels so it is quite small but it is nice enough. Dave the security guard nods in my direction as I walk past him, I smile and head towards the elevator. He is not stupid. He knows why I come here once, twice, sometimes three times week, but he does not say anything so for that I am grateful.

I click the button for level three and wait until the door closes to breathe a sigh of relief. I am here soon I will be home.

I rearrange by handbag and head to the door third on the right. I take my key card out of my back pocket and slide it into the key swipe. I hear a click signalling the door is open and slowly I enter the room. I place my handbag on the table to the left of me and look around the room. I make as little noise as possible getting my shoes off and taking off my jacket, I do not want to wake her.

Moreover, I see my home.

She's there lying on the left side of the bed. 'Her side of the bed' she calls it. Her head phones in, she is probably listening to some song she discovered from looking at YouTube. I slowly climb on to the bed and lie on my side next to her. I press down gently on her nose to wake her up.

She does not wake.

I press again and she begins to mumble something incoherent. I gently take her headphones out her ears and place them behind myself. " baby wake up" I trace my finger from her nose to her jaw line then up to her ear and trace the contours of her ear. "Baby please wake up" I say again.

She opens one eye and her face spreads into the smile that converse two things. One she is pissed off and two love. "Your late" she says in a sleep-ridden voice.

"I know I am sorry but my meeting ran over, I am sorry, I wanted to see you all week" I say. She reaches up to the hand that is tracing her ear and holds it still, then bringing it up to her lips and ever so lightly kissing it

"Your here now that all that matters" she leans in and kisses me on the lips. I have been addicted to the way Ashley's kisses me for years now but ever since the reception, I never really knew how much.

The kiss is slow at first but passion soon appears and Ashley asks for entrance, which I give without hesitation, our tongues meet and we both fight for dominance. I let Ashley win only because I love it when she is in charge. I love it when her hand grabs my hair and hold me to her as she showers me with love. I love it when, just like now, she leans me over so my back is flat against the bed and then lays on top of me so every part of our bodies are touching. Our legs, stomachs, breasts, hearts, arms, lips, and tongues are all connected. She pulls back and looks at me, her hair makes a curtain that splits us from the world and her breath intoxicates me even more.

"I love you" It is simple its only three words it is not the making of a speech that will last century's but it means the world to anybody who hears the.

"I love you too Ashley" and I do. I lean up and kiss her.

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"Why don't you stay the night, it is booked for the night after all "Ashley asks as I apply my make up on and check to see if she has given me marks. She has not.

"You know why I can't" I reply

"Yeah" she sighs and by the sounds of it flops back on the bed. I Place the make up in my wash bag, which I keep in my handbag for such occasions and head out the bathroom.

"You know I love you" I say once I put my handbag on the chair.

" yeah I do ...it's just I want more" I know she does, ever since she I mean we started this she has wanted more I just don't know if... she cuts of my trail of thought with a kiss.

"Go I will be here next week" she says and I give her a quick kiss and get up from the bed.

"I do love you," I say heading towards the door

"And I you" with that and leave the room.

I head out the way I came. I have been in the room for four hours yet I feel I was just in there for 10 minutes and let me tell you can do many things in four hours. Dave the security guard warns me to be careful walking home and I say I will as I exit the hotel. The cold air hits me as turn left heading home.

I stand looking at my house. It is nothing special but it is where I am supposed to be. I reach into my pocket, put on my engagement ring and wedding ring on, and head inside.

"Honey I am home"

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Please R&R


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N T**his chapter is what happened between chapters three a and chapter four how the affair started

no beta so there will be mistakes but i will come back and correct the mistakes

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Filling in the Gaps

The first time it happened was an accident. Well not an accident but unexpected or so Spencer chooses to believe. Ashley on the other hand believes it was to be expected. After all Spencer had gone to her house after coming back from her honeymoon, Just to talk at least that's what Spencer hoped they were going to do. After all, they had parted on not such great terms. After Ashley said to Spencer that she loved her Spencer new husband interrupted the, and they never talked again. Until that night.

When Ashley opened the door and saw Spencer on the other side, she had two reactions. First, she wanted to kiss her, her second was to tell her to piss of and slam the door in her face. but alas she did neither. She just stood there mouth agape. Ashley did not invite Spencer into her room; Spencer more or less walked around a shell-shocked Ashley and walked into her home. Once Ashley did fully realize who had just walked around her she shut the door and turned around to see a visibly nervous blond.

"Spencer," "Ashley," they both said at the same time

"Spencer what you doing here?" Ashley asked she had begun pacing whilst Spencer watched her movements.

"I ...We...You see the thing is... I... I said... you said...you know now that I am here I have forgotten what I was going to say," She let out a nervous laugh "all is want to do now is kiss you," she admitted. Ashley stopped pacing in front of the blond and held out her hand to stop Spencer from carrying on talking

"Spencer you can't say things like that,"

"Why not," Spencer shrugged "it's the truth,"

"You have a husband," Ashley pointed out

"Whom I don't love!"

"Then why did you marry him!"

"It's what I am supposed to do!"

Silence engulfed the room

"You're supposed to be with him?" Ashley asked not believing what she just heard

"I am suppose to be with him," Spencer started to advance on Ashley "I am suppose to love him," Ashley tried to retreat but there was nowhere for her to go "I am suppose to be the dutiful wife with 2.5 kids," Ashley could see tears starting to appear in Spencer eyes. She tried to look like she did not care about what she was hearing but it did not work "I am not suppose to think of you," she pointed at Ashley "when I am having sex with my husband!" Spencer tried to take a couple deep breathes to calm herself down. Spencer stepped forward one last step so she was right in front of Ashley. Tears had now escaped her eyes and it broke Ashley's heart. Spencer gently took the brunettes face in both hands and, made her look in her eyes "I am not suppose to want to kiss you every moment of every day, but I do ... I do Ashley," she ended in a whisper.

Spencer eyes flicked from Ashley's eyes to her lips then back again to her eyes as if she was silently asking permission for the one thing she wanted to do since Ashley told her she loved her. Permission, that Ashley freely granted. Slowly ever so slowly, Spencer lent into Ashley. Ashley did not move. Not because she was in shock because she was not, she wanted Spencer to make the first move because she did not want to push Spencer into anything. Their lips gently and lightly touched. It was barely even a kiss but it sent both their heart racing and a fire deep in the pits of their gut to ignite.

Ashley pulled away and grabbed Spencer has left hand and pulled it away from her check.

"I can't do this if you're his," she said looking at the ring. Spencer with only a little hesitation slid the wedding ring and engagement of her finger and placed it on the table beside them

"I am yours," she said

"Your mine."

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Just a quickie to day but hope you like R&R


	6. Decision

A/N Sorry for the wait I would say I have been busy and give you hundreds of excuses but the truth is I lacked motivation to sit down and write but after a PM from ilovemyself26, I figured need to update my stories

All mistake are my own sorry.

This chapter is dedicated to my nanna. It is the anniversary of her death tomorrow. I miss you

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**Decision **

It had been six months since the wedding and Spencer was still living a double life. Still living with a man whilst having sex with Ashley and it was hurting both her relationship with her husband and Ashley.

Antony, Spencer husband, had been growing suspicious of Spencer's behavior for the past couple of weeks. She would come home late from work nearly three times a week and every time he asked her why she was late she would just shrug and say "it's work stuff". To be frank he was getting sick of it.

Tonight he was going to sit down with his wife and talk about all these late night and early mornings. He wasn't going to shout and ball like every other man, no he was going to be calm ask if she could come home at a reasonable time of the day because he missed his wife and missed how they use to know each other but now if feels like they are more flat mates then husband and wife .

"Hey honey you home early," Antony said as Spencer dropped her laptop bag on the couch and walked over to the fridge to get a cold drink out.

"Yeah they didn't need me tonight thank god," he could tell she was lying. He had known her of so long he knew everything about her or at least he use to.

"That's good honey, just me and you tonight. Wanna watch a movie or something?" he said sitting on the couch flipping though the TV magazine to see what movie his wife might want to watch.

"Yeah whatever," Antony chucked the magazine back on the table and let out a sigh "I miss you,". Spencer turned around placing her bottle of water on the kitchen table and leaned against it

"What you on about? I'm right here,"

"I miss how we use to be," Antony got up from the couch and made his way over to his wife. He walked around the table and held his wife's hands in his own "I miss coming home and seeing you here. I miss waking up to you each morning. I miss how we use to be before we get married. I miss how we use to sit down and have dinner together talking about our days. I miss my friend. "

"We still do that," Spencer stated

"No we don't you work all the time," Spencer let go of Antony's hand and moved away from him.

"So you want me not to work anymore?"

"No of course I want you to work."He tried to walk up to Spencer but she quickly entered the living room "I just want you to work less," he followed her trying to reason with the blonde.

"I can't help it if they need me at work,"

"But every night,"

"I can't help that!"

"You could say no!"

"No I can't!

"Why?" Antony thought that was a simple enough question. However, to Spencer it was not simple... it was anything but simple. Spencer could not truthfully answer the question without telling her husband, she was gay, in love with a girl, having an affair and did not really love him anymore.

"Why?" he asked again, "it's a simple enough question tell me why?"

"It's... work... I ... I just can't,"

"That's not a good enough reason!"

"Why are you shouting?"

"I want my wife back!"

"I am here,"

"No... No you're not,"

"Whatever Antony I can't be dealing with you right now. I had a hard day at work. I am going out." Spencer picked up her coat and headed to the door

"Where you going?"

"Out!" she slammed the door on her way out

"Well that went well," Antony said aloud

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" humph... what the hell," bang bang bang " come it's only!" Ashley looked at her clock " okay so it's only 7.30pm but I was still asleep," bang bang bang " alright I'm coming I'm coming" Ashley sluggishly walked to her front door and opened it "Spencer what is the matter?"

In front of Ashley was crying Spencer "can I come in?" Spencer asked almost shyly. After a second Ashley moved out of the way

"Of course you don't have to ask,"

Spencer entered Ashley home and just started pacing. Ashley was beginning to get worried. She had not seen Spencer cry in a long time.

Heard her cry yes seen no.

Ashley had heard Spencer cry a few times when they went to hotels and Spencer thought Ashley was asleep. Each time Ashley heard Spencer cry she wanted to go to her and comfort her but she realized she would just make her cry worse. Because she was not crying about anything trivial, she was crying because of herself and Ashley and what they were doing.

Ashley walked up to Spencer and wrapped her in a hug. Spencer just leant her head in the crook of Ashley's neck and silently cried. "Spence please tell me what's wrong,"

"Antony" she whimpered out

"O," what could Ashley say to that? Spencer pulled back from Ashley hug and whipped her eyes with the back of her hand

"Sorry I shouldn't have come here. I'll just, I'll just go home," Spencer said before heading out the room, but before she got a chance Ashley stood in front of her blocking her path from leaving "I am your friend forget about you and me for a second. Before all this drama, I was your friend. Your best friend. Talk to me" it hurt Ashley to say the words. She did not want to talk about Antony. She did not want ask why Spencer was crying about him. However, Spencer at this moment in time needed a friend not a lover. So for now Ashley was happily unhappy in been just a friend

Ashley pulled Spencer to sit on the couch and made her talk about what was bothering her. Spencer just let it all out. All what she was feeling about the argument, even why she turned up at Ashley's. In the end, they ended up on the couch spooning each other. Spencer was fast asleep obviously tired from all the cry but Ashley was wide-awake. She did not know what to do for best. She did not want to stop seeing Spencer but by seeing Spencer, she was hurting the blond and her husband.

Knock Knock knock

Ashley knew who it was. Ashley slowing extracted herself from the sleeping blond and gave aver small kiss and headed to the door, she slowly opened it to see a very tired looking Antony.

"She's in here but be quite she's asleep,"

"Okay thank you," Antony went into the living room and knelt down beside his wife. Stroking her face in the process

"I guess she told you everything," he whispered not wanted to wake the blond-haired person. Ashley just nodded to the blond.

"I didn't mean for it to blow up like that. I just," he shook his head "I just want my wife back," Ashley could shed tears evident in his eyes "I miss her. "Ashley looked down to where the husbands and wife's hand met. Both their wedding rings were shining against the light.

It was decision time for Ashley

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A/N Please R&R


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed I love of them. I love to know what you think of Spencer and Ashley. **

**Sorry to ilovemyself26 I said I was gone update yesterday but after I uploaded my Criminal minds fic life got in the way and I could not update this. sorry again **

**unbeta's so all mistakes are my own **

**To WFT, I thought I would reply to your review here because I could not send you reply and I wanted to. To call another person 'disgusting' for loving someone is very wrong. You cannot help whom you fall in love with. Love is love. It does not matter if the person is blind, deaf, no leg, one leg, single, married, gay ,straight or bi ,it does not matter love is love. You calling someone disgusting for loving someone who is not there husband is wrong and uncalled for and if you don't like the way my story is going there is nothing stopping you from looking for another story.  
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**Okay so rant over here is the chapter **

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Talking to a stranger 

"I do not know why I went to Ashley's. I guess I just wanted comforts but I knew I should not have gone there. I mean I know she loves me. I know she wants me for herself. I huge part of me knows what I should do. Knows in the end I will pick Ashley. I know Ashley is my forever. I am just being selfish. I cannot have both forever. I cannot be married to Antony and be with Ashley too.

I guess I am scared. So very scared. I am scared because I do not know how my family will react. I do not want them to disown me. I do not want to lose my family because love a person. Something I cannot help. With Antony, it is safe. It is boring and we do not talk that much anymore but it is safe.

With Ashley though, my heart races like never before. It is exciting. She knows me so well it is unbelievable. She showed that last night. She showed me she can be there for me no matter how she feels about my choices I make.

I know I need to dump one of them. I am sure I know whom. I have been leading double a life for 6 months now and I am tired of it. I am being a bitch to Ashley and even bigger bitch to Antony and I am so tired ,so very tired.

When Antony came in, I heard him. However, did not open my eyes. I did not want to see the person that once meant the world to me. He knelt down and started to stroke my face. The once soothing motion takes every inch of me not to cringe.

"_I just want my wife back," _he says. "_I miss her"._ He loves me like really loves. He deserves a wife who will not cheat on him. He deserves a wife who doesn't cheat on him, does not cringe when he touch her. I wife who will not leave him for her best friend.

He held my hands like if he let go I would go somewhere and leave him. I must of fallen back to sleep because I woke up still on the couch with sunlight shining though the blinds. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. Antony was not there but neither was Ashley.

"You're up" I heard from behind me and Ashley was standing there holding a cup of coffee in both her hands. I could tell she had not slept last night. She still had the same clothes on as the night before and her eyes wren bloodshot with the lack of sleep.

"Yeah I guess I am," I said whilst getting up from the couch trying to soothe my bed head.

"You want a coffee?" she asked. I guessed she was trying to prolong the inevitable.

"That would be nice thanks." She walked back to the open plan kitchen and I looked around for Antony "Where's Antony?"

"How did you know he was here?" she asked looking around to me.

"I wasn't asleep all night," I answered.

"Oh," is all she replied and started to make my coffee. The silence was uncomfortable and tense, something that was new to us. We both wanted to say something but were to chicken to. She handed me the coffee.

"Thank you"

She leaned on one kitchen top and I on the opposite and still the only noise was our breathing.

"I'm going to leave him "I blurted out.

"Don't say that." Ashley whispered but I heard her. She did not even look at me when she said it.

"Why don't it's the truth" I spoke. She looked at me. Tears were threatened to escape.

"Because you don't mean it," her voice sounded so broken. All I wanted to do was hold her and say I was going to leave him. I wanted her to believe that but something to me that would make it worse

"I do" I said staying in position opposite her.

"If you meant it you would have done it before now. You would have left him at the altar" she right. I should have left him at the altar; I should not have carried on this affair. "You should never have said you wanted me at the reception" again she is right I should not of but I did. I was brave at that moment but after that moment, I just got weaker and weaker. Speaking those words to her was nothing. Saying I love you to her, feels right but saying I love her to the rest of the world scares me to shit. However, to overcome fear you have to face it and that what I am trying to do.

I let the silence drag on until I collect my thoughts. "I know but I did. I don't regret it. Do you?"

"Look what happened when you said those words. You on my couch crying about your husband even though you are seeing me behind his back!" she slammed her mug down making it smash "shit!" She grabbed a towel to collect the coffee that had spilled on the counter top. I went over to help.

"Don't!" she stepped "I don't need your help!" I did not move whilst she cleaned up. Once she finished she put her elbows on the top and held her head in her hands. "I'm sorry shouldn't have snapped." She turned her head so she could look at me "A week." she stated.

"A week?"

"You have a week to leave him," she said standing up straight "I can't wait forever. Not only is it unfair on Antony but it is unfair to me. I love you, you that, but if you don't leave him within a week I am done. I cannot do this anymore. It hurts too much."

When she said she would leave me I felt as if my heart was breaking. I knew immediately I had to break it up with Antony. The thought of leaving Antony scares me but Ashley leaving me absoutally terrifies me.

"Okay" I walked up to her, kissed her cheek gently, and headed out. Not really know where to go but knowing I had to leave. I got to the door when I realised she had not answered my question.

"Ash?"

"Yeah"

"Do you regret it?" I point between us "us do you regret us."

"No I don't. I may be hurt but I wouldn't change these six months for the world."

" I left got in my car and just drove and ended up here. What do you think I should do" I turn to the old man who had just listened to me telling him all about last night.

"Honestly," the stranger says.

"Yeah honestly."

"be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind," he says getting up from the park bench we are both sitting on,

"I know that from somewhere," I state

"Dr Seuss. We have talked well you have talked for the past hour. You know what to do dear. Follow your heart." and with that he walks away.

I do not know why I started talking to him. However, I am glad I did.

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That is it hope you like please R&R


	8. Chapter 8

Thank to call your reviews

I am not really happy with this chapter but hope you like

all mistakes are mine sorry

**Ilovemyself26** I am guessing you know what to do...

To **WTF** calling me a Bitch very mature

**imaferrari**... awesome

**FFReviews** ... you will find out next chapter

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**Telling**

"Honey what you doing you doing here," a tall middle-aged man said when he saw Spencer enter his office.

"Cant I just come and see my dad," Spencer smiled as her dad got up from his black leather chair and went to hug his daughter

"I missed you kiddo."

"I missed you too," Spencer, replied. Once they let go of the hug they walked the very small journey to the couch, which was situated at the side of the office. Spencer looked around the large office. Nothing had changed since she was last here. Row of papers still lined the walls behind the desk, Empty cups of coffee here there and every were. A small name tag of _Arthur Carlin _still in the middle of the desk last there were pictures. One of his wife and another one of his family.

_I wonder what dad will think about Ashley and me. He should be okay his hairdresser is gay after all and he does not have the same narrow-mindedness as my mother. He likes Ashley anyway so this should be easy_

"Honey you've been here for five minutes and all you have done is look around my messy office are you okay?"

"I need a lawyer," Spencer said quietly

"Why do you need a lawyer honey?" he asked.

"I'm getting a divorce," Spencer said turning away from her dad not wanted to see the ashamed look on his face when she admitted she wanted to break one of the rules of his religion. She felt more than saw her dad get up from the couch. She heard him walk over to his desk and pull something out of a draw. He came back and stood directly in front of her. She looked up and saw he was holding a small rectangular piece of paper

"That a name of an excellent lawyer, try him he may be able to help." Spencer stared up disbelieving at her father. She hesitantly took the card and held it in her hand.

"You not going to ask why I want a divorce?" she asked after her dad sat next to her

"I hoped would tell me but your life is your own, if you didn't want to tell me I wasn't going to push you." it was official her dad was awesome. She looked away from her dad and let out a lungful of air she did not know she was holding.

"Its Ashley," she looked at her dad "the reason I am getting a divorce. its Ashley", she said as a smile appeared almost instantly on her dads face.

"Ah" he said.

"Ah? Is that really all your going to say" she said disbelievingly at what he just said " I just told you Ashley is the reason and you go ah?"

"Well I just assumed you two have finally realized you are in love each other."

"What!"

"Well it's quite obvious dear. The ways she looks at you, the way you look at her. Its love. A blind person could see that."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my place to tell you who you loved. You just had to figure it out on your own" Spencer hugged her dad...

Two days later and 3 phones calls to the lawyer that her father suggested, she was sitting on the dining room chair , head in hands, eyes closed thinking of the divorce she knew she had to tell her husband about.

"You going to tell me what's wrong?" Antony asked as he sat down in the chair next to her. Spencer had been quite all night just looked at her husband.

"Err we need to talk" she said lifting her head from her hands and turning so her full body was facing Antony.

" okay must I remind you never to start a conversation with I need to talk it makes me think you're going to break up with me" he said with a smile on his face but when Spencer remained silent and tears began to appear in her eyes his smile turned into a frown. He gulped "are you going to break up with me?"

"Antony" Spencer started to say but Antony got up from the chair and started to pace around the room "no don't say Antony answer me! Are you going to break up with me?" he demanded.

"Yes," Spencer said after a minute of silence.

"Why?" it looked like Antony did not know where to cry, laugh or be anger, Spencer settled on crying.

"It's not working," she didn't want to add insult to injury and tell him about Ashley. He walked up to Spencer who was still on the chair and knelt down in front of her holding her hands.

"I will do better. I promise. I will not nag you about work. We'll go on that holiday you wanted to go since before are wedding please don't leave me" he begged. It broke Spencer heart to do this to him but it had to be done.

"Please don't do this Antony," she whimpered.

"Please I want to be with you don't leave me, "Antony begged kissing Spencer. Spencer did not feel anything from the kiss, which conformed to her; she had made the right choice. She gently pushed her husband away.

"Please Antony. I love you but I am not in love with you any more," Spencer said with as much strength as she could muster.

"Why?" Antony said getting up from kneeling "do you love some else?" Spencer cannot bear to lie to him any more.

"Yes," Spencer spoke in a low voice.

"Who?"

"Ashley."

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Please R&R


	9. Chapter 9

To ilovemyself26 I am so sorry this is late ,life got in the way I will make it up to though promise...

Just done a quick one-shot called You Could Be Happy please read and tell me what you think

All mistakes are mine sorry

To everyone who reviewed I love you all please keep them coming :)

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**Mine**

"Ashley," Antony repeated. He could not believe what he was hearing.

"Ashley," the blond-haired person confirmed.

"Your maid of honor Ashley?"

"Yes," again the blond-haired woman confirmed.

"But you mean you love her like a friend kind of way right?" Antony asked looking at the blond-haired person. Pleading with the blond that she only loved Ashley like a friend not as a lover.

"I'm... I'm in love with Ashley," Spencer said looking at him straight in the eye. Not to hurt him but just to make sure he understood what she was saying.

"Get out."

"What?" Spencer asked disbelievingly.

"I said GET OUT!" Antony shouted and pointed to the front door.

* * *

It had been a normal day for Ashley. It had started like any other. She got up from bed, showered, ate cold pizza for breakfast, checked in at work to make sure that everything was in order and was running accordingly to plan, and quickly changed into something more comfortable then flopped on the couch to wallow in self-pity.

She had done this every since she gave Spencer the ultimatum. She knew she had done the right thing. She knew if she had not of done it both would have been hurt beyond words. Hurt so much and would have coursed each other so much pain that having any sort of relationship with each other would be beyond unthinkable.

However, she still had the same thought every day. Have I done the right thing? What if Spencer didn't break up with Antony? What if she stayed with him and left her? Ashley could not have Spencer in her life and only have her as a friend not as a lover. That would be too much to bear. Therefore, Ashley decided that if Spencer did decide not to break up with her husband, she would leave. She would head south of anywhere just so she did not see Spencer. She hoped it would not come to that but she honestly did not know what Spencer would do.

She fell asleep after watching several hours of re runs of chuck. She woke up when it was dark outside; the only light was coming from the television. She sluggishly got up from the couch and turned on the lamp from across the room. She looked to the window taking in the sites of the city, when a reflection of a figure that was not her own caught her eye. She slowly grabbed the heaviest book she could find and throw it at the figure.

"Shit Ashley that hurt!"

"Spencer?" she shouted, her arm still in the air ready to attack the would be intruder.

"Yeah it's me. Shit you've still got a good aim." Spencer said rubbing the spot on her head the book had managed to hit.

"What ... what are you doing here...? I thought I locked the door." Ashley said walking to the door to see how Spencer got in.

"I used the emergency key" Spencer admitted waving the key Ashley had ever her in the air.

"So you decided to sit there and watch me sleep?"

"You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you," noticing Spencer was still holding her head, Ashley went into her bathroom and wet a small towel, walked back into her living room and gently placed it on Spencer sore head.

With the close proximity of the pair, the tension in the room rose immediately. Ashley could not think with Spencer breath hitting her face and the smell of pure Spencer filling her up. It took every ounce of her to not lean in and kiss her. However, she promises herself whilst in the mist a self-pitting session she would not kiss Spencer until she left her husband.

"I did it," Spencer whispered looking into Ashley eyes breaking the uncomfortable yet still strangely comfortable silence that had settled over them.

"Did what?" Ashley replied in an equally quite tone.

"Left him," Spencer breathed out not faulting in her gaze. Ashley's heart that was beating 100 times per second now tripled in speed. Spencer had done it. Her worrying and self-pitying had been for nothing. Spencer could be hers, just hers.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Ashley had slowly placed the wet towel that had been trying to ease Spencer pain to the floor and instead traced the outlines of her lovers face with her fingertips.

"How did he take it?"

"Like any man would." Spencer admitted.

"He kicked you out didn't he?"

"Yeah," Spencer closed her eyes but quickly open them. "But that doesn't matter because I have you."

"You have me," Ashley confirmed. Spencer placed her arms around Ashley lower back keeping Ashley close to her. Spencer leaned her forehead to Ashley's and closed her eyes just drowning in Ashley.

"Do you know how long I have wanted this" Ashley admitted .Neither one opened her eyes. They did not have to. They could both feel each others emotions; they did not have to read each others faces to understand what each other were feeling they just knew. "Do you know how long I wanted you to myself? How long I wanted to officially call you mine?"

"I'm yours"

Suddenly Ashley becoming very shy opened her eyes, which flicked straight away to Spencer kissable lips "can I kiss you?" She asked, Spencer opened her eyes at this request.

"You don't have to ask" and with that Ashley lent in for the kiss Spencer. Both smiled in to the kiss both knowing what this kiss meant, both knowing this kiss was the start of something that would last a lifetime. As the kiss grow with more intensity Ashley had to move back from Spencer just so she could breathe.

"Bedroom?"

"Bedroom" Spencer confirmed.

It was their first night together with no guilt attracted. No ugly truth hiding, just waiting to strike them down. Of course, Spencer still had a husband but it was not the same as before. This night changed everything for them as individuals and as a couple.

This was the start of a new chapter in their lives.

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Okay so this story was meant to be longer but whilst writing this chapter I realized that I have nearly finished this story. I will do one possibly two more chapters of this story and that is about it sorry.

Please R&R


	10. Chapter 10

This is a super short chapter just to round of the story

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I love you all

Special thanks to ilovemyself26 for encouraging me to write this other wise this would have probably be finished after Christmas

All mistakes are mine. Sorry

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Girlfriend 

"Okay so I have this problem," Ashley said to a sleepy Spencer, they had been on the couch for about an hour now just watching TV. Spencer's head was on Ashley's lap and Ashley fingers through her hair slowly lulling her to sleep.

"Mm what's the problem?" Spencer quietly asked.

"Well I have been with this person for a while now you see. She has just finalized her divorce ,but I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend yet," Ashley never stopped the movement of her hand whilst she said this.

Spencer slowly tuned her body so instead of looking at the TV screen she was staring into the eyes of her lover.

"Well that is a problem," she stated

"I know," Ashley looked dejected and nodded her head,

"How you going to fix it?" Spencer asked trying to keep up the act of being a friend and not the person Ashley was talking about after a moment Ashley began to smile.

"I've got a great idea" Ashley smirked and reached for her phone, which was on the arm of the chair she was resting on. She pressed a few buttons and placed it back on the arm. Seconds later Spencer felt a vibration on leg where her phone was placed. She grabbed her phone and flipped it open.

_Will you be my girlfriend? _The text said. Spencer quickly texted back making sure Ashley couldn't see her reply.

Ashley phone bleeped she opened it up.

_Yes, I love you_

"Thank god" Ashley said and leaned down to kiss Spencer she pulled make "hey girlfriend."

"Hey girlfriend."

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THE END


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